The year 2020 is the ‘GBAM’ of the decade — if there was ever an award for that: the death of a sports giant and his promising daughter; a virus that seems insistent on wiping out the world; a locust invasion in East Africa and Yemen! Then there were rumours that very eager archaeologists had the guts to unearth crypts. Excuse me, have you not watched enough movies? Let’s not tempt fate, this is not the year for that rubbish!
It has been a very strange couple of months for me. Like millions of Nigerians, I went into the lockdown grumbling, and unlike many, I have decided to stay home till everything dies down (no cruel pun intended).
By my third week of staying home, I was climbing off the walls. I have a very erm… a very active mind with an extremely short attention span. All of that was okay when I could choose to prance about Lagos or hole up in my house; but lockdown showed me that my mind deserves its own yogi.
So, how have I been dealing with the madness in my head? Welcome to my world…. Here are tips to help you live an extraordinary socially-distanced life.
Tip 1: Go Drastically Different
Every week you need to do something drastically different from your routine. It could either be physical, spiritual or mental.
Physical — Bend and contort your body in ways you had never thought possible. Yoga could help de-stress you and keep the demons at bay. If pure adrenaline could do it for you, give it a try. The results could shock you.
Whatever you choose, plix be careful. Edakun, if you are passing the border of ‘okay’ into extreme-territory, alert your neighbour or get someone to stand close by.
I nearly killed myself while attempting a headstand — my legs landed on the wall but my neck didn’t understand all that weight, and it bent. My brother had to rush forward to pull my legs up so that I wouldn’t choke on my tongue or snap my neck! But guess what, I will try it again tomorrow. Something must kill a woman!
Plus, the bendy-bendy will get your partner to thank you soon. *winks*
Spiritual — If it takes a potential apocalypse for you to get your act well with God, it’s all good my friend. How you get to that point is inconsequential, just get there jare!
Find your inner spirituality. Please, I am not talking about religion. I am speaking of a way of life. Don’t thump anything around this corner. Get your spirit and soul right … Other things will arrange themselves. *coughs* There is no guarantee you would like the arrangement.
I want to try speaking in tongues. Lol! It should be interesting. My tongue hasn’t cooperated so far, though.
Mental — I have started doing mental exercises. When we walked around without masks or gloves, and I could punch my colleagues as a form of endearment, a friend tried to get me hooked on mental games. I looked at them with partial interest, as I would look at a not-so-ugly dog. Now, I understand the importance of mental exercises. When the only people you see are the same four people, you realize the need to check in on your mind.
You can add anything you want here — cram the Kama Sutra (contrary to popular opinion, it’s not a sex manual); get it right with all your exes; attend a webinar each week, etc.
Tip 2: The Lockdown Bucket List:
You probably have a bucket list of crazy things you want to do before you get to a certain age, or before a landmark concept. Now, flip it and you could create a home-version that involves different rooms in your house.
To do this, you can’t think usual… The weirder it sounds in your mind, the better. You will be able to laugh about it in a decade.
Ideas?
You can turn the wall of your living room into a climbing wall. I am not going to admit or deny whether a painting is covering a gaping wall in my living room.
Read a novel upside down in the study.
Whatever you do, make it an occasion if you can! For the weird ones, I can’t tell you now…. Not yet!
And this is not a tip, it’s a huge warning for anybody working from home so that you can enjoy the rest of your self-imposed ‘lockdown’ in peace. Never, ever, ever, have a virtual meeting in the nude. No matter how well you think you have turned off the video and microphone. See, I have stories to tell after this lockdown,
Done.
Out!
-Iretomiwa Akintunde-Johnson is a Public Relations Consultant and Lawyer living in Lagos
