“I Felt Inadequate & Like I Had To Over-Compensate” – Comedienne Lolo On Losing Her Marriage Due To Low Self-Esteem

Seeing the confident and absolutely hilarious person she is today, you wouldn’t believe that up until recently, on-air-personality and actress, Lolo (real name, Omotunde Adebowale-David) battled with low self-esteem.

The comedienne who plays Adaku in popular TV show, Jenifa’s Diary held nothing back as she took to her Instagram to tell of how she felt inadequate  because of her looks growing up and well into her adult years.

In her words,

“I am what you would call a late bloomer.
I was a fat child and the biggest of all my sisters. I’m also the darkest. I felt disadvantaged and when I was in secondary school, I was bullied. Students would pour water on all the chairs and call me a milk factory. I felt inadequate and like I had to over-compensate. I would do anything to make people like me; anything to make them look beyond my physical body. And so, I was self-serving and people-serving for a very long time. It was a toxic way to live. I coasted along in my Law degree at university just because it was what my parents wanted. I was content with being an average student. I could have excelled, but I felt 2.2 was enough. I didn’t push as hard as I could have.
My Christian life began quite early and that even made me more closed off. My life revolved around church, fellowship and home. I had very low self-esteem and didn’t really explore many areas of my personality or interests. I would smile at everyone, but inside I thought, “Maybe she’s looking at me because I’m fat and that’s why she doesn’t want to be close to me or be my friend. Maybe if I try hard and like everything she does, she would like me.””

She also revealed that her self-esteem issue was the main reason her marriage failed. “All these issues reached a peak when I got married,” she wrote. “I got married because everybody around me was getting married and it was the Christian thing to do. I wanted to do it right before God and be a virgin till I married. My very low self-esteem affected my choice at the time and I did my husband a disservice too. When you have an unhealthy self-esteem and you join yourself with another person, you’re going to bring pain and hardship to the other party.
I don’t blame myself or my partner for my marriage ending. When I started to deal with my issues, I knew the marriage could not continue. I left so that he could heal and I could heal & deal with myself.”

But like a champion, she was able to conquer the feelings of inadequacy and learn to love herself. “When I started working in radio, it really helped me to discover who I am. I just never knew people like me could achieve great things despite the way they looked. It has nothing to do with your size and everything to do with the capacity of your mind. Since I made the decision about 6 years ago to begin to live the way I wanted, I’ve been happier. I’ve achieved more, I’ve taken great strides and I know that it’s because I faced my fears. I had to get to the point where I told myself that, “I am good enough because everyone God has made is good enough.” If you don’t think you are good enough people are not going to think you are good enough.”

She continued, “I have 4 amazing kids; a daughter and three sons. I understand that self-esteem is something you must get right. I tell my daughter every time how beautiful she is, how great she is. I tell her these things now so she can sit among people and keep her head high, knowing fully well that her “content is more important than the container”. That’s what I am doing to correct what I didn’t get initially.”

“I’m single now and I’m very happy. I love my kids, I have a good relationship with my ex, and I have people that love me. I have a good team, I have work, comedy, music and church. I travel, write, act and do the things that I’ve always wanted to do. Imagine if I had this kind of healthy self-esteem; I would have made better choices earlier in life and started out better, but there is nothing that happens to man that God is not involved in.”

“The people that you celebrate are not people without scars. The stretch marks on my belly are a tapestry of my children. They expanded my womb, they made it wrinkled and I love them. They are not something to be ashamed of. You are all the things that you’ve gone through and come through. I’m not ashamed to talk about these things now because there’s somebody out there who needs to get up and know that things are not bad. So, that’s how I see my life – like a tapestry,” she concluded.

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