Book Review: The Confessions Of A Lagos Bachelor By Osikhena “Osi Suave” Dirisu

This article was written by Diamond-Hope Kingston

It’s a little over a week since Osikhena “Osi Suave” Dirisu made his debut entrance into the literary world with the release of his first book. While many of us have been kept waiting long enough for “The Confessions of a Lagos Bachelor” to finally be published the rest of us are more than a little anxious about what to expect.

Osi may be more often than not recalled as the Twitter star of frequent shade, public outrage and even in a few instances the subject of Twitter detectives’ investigation. But whether or not the Twittersphere wants to acknowledge it, Osi has, without asking for permission made a big leap as he adds ‘author’ to his list of achievements.

The book which is currently on sale for N3000 has so far had positive feedback.He has retweeted tweets, given us excerpts of reviews from readers that that have texted him or sent him messages on different social media platforms.

But is “Confessions of a Lagos Bachelor” worth the almost three year long wait before it’s release?

In the beginning, there were opinions…

I forgive you if you decide to close the book if you close it before you can get past the first 14 pages of acknowledgement, foreword, ‘first words’ and preface. It seemed almost like someone had passed away and people were giving their tributes to the fallen hero. He ‘first words’ section is basically filled with various people in the media and entertainment industry singing his praises like oh, he just invented sliced bread.

I don’t disagree with having the section of the book existing, I just do not believe a reader needs to plough through all of that in order to get to the juicy bit. It lasts for 10 pages and would have done better being left to the end unless of course they were praising the book or commending it.

Perhaps we will see Osi bear this in mind when he sets out to publish another book… or not.

12 chapters later but where are the confessions?

If, like me, you quickly jumped on the opportunity to get your copy it’s most likely because you know Osi has a knack for spilling the juice as it’s fresh. Many of us may not recall it as vividly anymore, but back in early 2015 Osi was known for his Twitter threads which were followed with the hashtag #ConfessionsOfALagosBachelor.

He was the perfect storyteller as he weaved suspense around topics that captivated Twitter users. From sex to relationships and that one tale that had us sobbing at work because he revealed he had lost a girlfriend to sickle cell, it was clear that Osi had something to give.

I’ll give you the heads up, open the book and go straight to page 27 which is the beginning of chapter two, and begin reading. It starts with narration from when he was 29 and his “relationship life” if that’s really a thing. It gives what you would expect to see in the suspiciously absent blurb; a summary of what you should expect to read in the 12 chapters. It’’s short, sets the pace for the book and ends with you breaking a little giggle at how Osi chooses to finish it.

Readers will be a little disappointed to find out that in the chapters “Nightmares & Morse Codes” and “Vaginismus” they will most likely have read the story if they are up-to-date with his Twitter storytelling days. Also, Osi who stated that he had done research on vaginismus decided to copy and paste what the internet had to say on it as way of educating his readers on the condition.

Two chapters are dedicated to having Osi gather random strains of thoughts about unknown women with a poem in “I Told My Therapist About You” and a letter in “Honey, I wrote You A Letter”. Honestly, we could have done without them being chapters of their own and preferred them to be a part of chapters. Too late now, the book is already published and we’re all stuck with the outpouring of Osi’s heart.

This isn’t Instagram so why are there so many pictures?

Just to provide more context to this seemingly rhetorical question, there are a whooping 115 pictures spread over 40 pages. The book is 141 pages long in total without the subtraction of pages dedicated solely to chapter titles, contents, ‘first words’, preface… You by now get the point. It isn’t necessarily a bad thing but when you realize that these are photos pretty much existing already in the public domain of the internet, you ponder over their actual connection to the book.

Osi gave us almost twice as many photos as Laura Ikeji gave us in her book and that’s saying something considering her own book was about Instagram.

Infused with music and sex, untouched by permission

All the chapters begin with excerpts of song lyrics and finish with the title of the song and artistes who performed it. This may be an ingenious idea as Osi’s job revolves around music, but lifting song lyrics and using them in your “fiction & non-fiction” book leaves a very big question: Did you obtain permission? We may want to rage over his clear deviation from using indigenous song references but it does not absolve him from the pointed question of permission.

If there is any piece of advice to give it’s that the book has a lot of sexual insinuations and innuendos littered across its pages. With phrases like “my penis entered my mouth” and “get some ass” or the entire “Photo Booths” chapter, it’s safe to say you should keep it away from your children.

The final verdict

Osi’s book “The Confessions of a Lagos Bachelor” may not win any literary awards but he does manage to take us by surprise when in “Honey I Wrote You A Letter” he reveals that his ex girlfriend had been pregnant for him before she lost it. He stops there and does not give us any more details on how she may have lost the child but wow, we didn’t see that one coming.

Many of us may have expected to hear more about how he has climbed the ladder in his industry as a radio presenter or how his Twitter reputation may have made an impact on his book. Nevertheless now that the book is finally here it seems not to have been worth anticipating for three years.

Osi’s famed storytelling is sadly not enough to prolong your attention span and dedication to reach the last page. It may never be on a bestseller list but we will always recall that Osikhena Dirisu once attempted to play author.