When you’re young and in love, the instinctive need to post your latest happiness milestone will lead to many opting to spam our Instagram feeds with couple selfies. Or the other annoying kind of millenials who when in love decide to sent subliminal messages to their partner on Twitter using “This man” rather than their actual handle which we all know.
With bad habits like these frequently displayed by people in love and dating it’s no wonder people on their social media go to great length to avoid them by muting, unfollowing or in extreme measure, blocking them.
I can’t say I blame you for such extreme measures either.
It’s safe to say that there are a ton of things you’d like to tell that oh-so-in-love couple but home training and the presence of manners will not permit you flourish. Which is why we’re here writing his on your behalf to that couple who just won’t stop making you frequently recall you’re single.
1. Subliminal messages that aren’t really subliminal messages
Please, just stop okay? We ALL know who the tweet is for and we get it he forgot to take the trash out last night but we really don’t need to know this. You know you can text him or call him right?
We really can not be bothered to decode your Marilyn Monroe quote or attempt to decipher if your bible passage is you being passive aggressive about whatever it is you are upset about this time.
2. Giving us long captions or threads about their partner
We get the gist of it: he’s nice, handsome and is your boyfriend. You do not need to go any further to narrate the exact shade of caramel shade his skin is or praise him doing what a boyfriend is supposed to do. We’ve more important things to read, like this article for starters.
Let’s restrict these to if or when you’re announcing your engagement, wedding, pregnancy or arrival of your child, agreed?
3. The staged “I had no idea it was being taken” photos
We get it, both of you got to hang out over the weekend. We even know exactly what moment your Uber arrived thanks to Snapchat. But now you want to relive your weekend on a Monday morning when quite frankly the rest of us are all out here trying to make it through another week as adults.
But that all too perfect picture where you’re posing nicely, the wind decided to blow your hair at that exact moment and you’re gazing at the sunset… We all know you asked him to take the photo. Stop lying.
4. Starting a YouTube channel
I can’t be the only person who is fed up of this but ugh! The novelty of this, if there ever was, has very much worn off and now we’d like to just stick to watching MTV Shuga videos.
There’s a lot of content out there and the consumer market would rather not be reminded that they don’ have a partner to do silly couple challenges with. If you were even remotely considering doing this then abort mission.
5. Acknowledging every single post, tweet or picture
They need a couple etiquette class just to inform couples that this is clearly very annoying. He posts a picture on Instagram while sat right beside you and you proceed to comment 10 seconds later with a dozen heart emojis or he tweets about she tweets about craving pizza then we find him replying underneath a sad face.
We really do not want a front row seat to all of that. Text him. Call her. Whatever you do, just stop acknowledging every single thing your partner puts on social media. You can simply like it and keep on scrolling baby girl.
